UNEMOTIONAL ENGINEERING
For Lapwing-Lagan thanx for all your hope.
A fox thought lives locked in me, I want to be
positive but I can't summon up the spirit of the fox
on Bodhran beat, my rhythmic sense is gone. Back
then in the other world when I saw the fox in nature
it flipped my mindset from war to peace.
It made me see all the world was not at war, I knew
nothing else but bombs and bullets. I saw life from
another perspective it wasn't just that eureka moment
but that was the evolution of A Fox thought. A street kid
to become a published writer it all stem cell from that.
Shame I don't remember but I know the magic people
and places just can't visualize pen-see. I want to relive
that magic moment but I don't remember. Lately, I can't
find the positivity to turn my muck into gold.
This is my study of my pessimism, I am not writing
to depress you. I have nothing else to say but tell you
the dog's honest truth, my life is a suffering fucking hell.
Nietzche like me took a stroke at 45, he has my will
to power.
I live outside humanity looking in.
All my body sensation has gone and left me impotent in
mental capacity. To think once
a creative writing tutor now my
mind is blank-black.
I can’t even use a touchscreen phone or iPad there is
no sensation in my fingertip that I can’t put my
finger on. I live in a dis-able bubble that imploded like
a hadron collider reaction. No one out there seems
to know me or care to know myself and I. Don’t even
know myself. I am 1,2,3 persons with no past or future tense.
Creating pomes of moment us pomements without memory.
For twenty years I have searched for positivity through Taoism-
shamanic-active nihilism, individuation and I can't find hope
these words are my only hope from my blemished acceptance.
Even Alan Watts wisdom (my hero) a backward law is back-
wards.
I live without substance I create my own substance.
half of my body is paralyzed impotent mind and body even
the spirit of the fox is lost locked in. I want to be positive
but I can't summon up the spirit of the fox in a Bodhran beat.
My rhythmic sham-manic sense is gone. Back then in the other
life when I saw the fox in nature.
It flipped my mindset from war to peace, made me see
all the world was not at war. I knew nothing else but bombs
and bullets I saw life from another perspective.
It wasn't just a eureka moment but that was the start
of A Fox thought evolution. A Republican street kid
to a degree published writer. i must have saw felt some-
thing i will never know.
I want to relive that magic moment butI don't remember.
Lately, I can't find the positivity to turn my muck into gold.
Seems like a sham-manic symbol. I dont remember
I don’t recall I got no memory of anything at all.
Peter Gabriel.
Music, sports and film do nothing, I have lost
my competitive edge my sense of humor I don’t
know what else to do, all I know is poe-artry.
I am compelled to write this down-up. I don’t
even remember my family no emotional
engineering like a child in an adult body.
Impoetent living bed-bound constipation, prescribed
an enema each week, and pissed myself every day.
Three blue stripes of fentanyl patch on my shoulder
and liquid morphine every four hours for a broken body
and mind. That's been through war shell-shock-man-
shell. As if I hold rank in my unadopted kingdom.
I know I have said some of this but I'll do it again
until the day die. I want to be remembered not as aphasia-
aphantasia mumbling paralyzed fool with no memory
or the ability to cling on. I don’t hibernate from life
it hibernates from me. In-humanity in humanity
purposeless purpose. Dogrell Cynism.
