Wow just a name lifted my spirit and inspired me to create this blog
Aphantastic
It’s Aphantastic to put a name on some-
thing that drove you to suicide.
For the last eighteen years I have been
writing blackhole poetry, my writing has
pulled me from the ledge, as John Berryman
called ‘The blind-brow.’
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All those years spent in default mode, telling
doctors, nurses and psychiatric professionals.
Who had no clue about the blackness behind
my eyes, unable to conjure up images from
my minds eye.
Unable to cling to images of my own sons,
my childhood and family. It was as if I was
a blank shell of a man. At least now I’ve got
a name, a reason for my anxiety.
I have been trying to form form from a formless
mind but I knew I knew I was on to something,
there was a method to my madness. The poems
were feeding me hope, even it was a dark hope.
I flicked through YouTube as I stay away from ad-
verts. I watched a guy talking to a professor about
how he couldn’t hold the images of his dead mother
in his mind and thought he was going mad and the professor said he had a condition called aphantasia.
Wow just a name lifted my spirit and inspired
me to create this blog of hope.