PESSIMYSTIC
SHAMANIC-
BEING
These are the words of a broken human being.
Being broken how?
Is so hard to put my finger
On that pulse: Stroke-long-term memory loss-
Aphasia-aphantasia, a veil of black behind eyes.
Marguerite Dumas said of her studies on mel-
oncholy when you find yourself in a blackhole
at the bottom of a hole, you realize only writing
can save you, the write hemisphere blog.
I haven’t dreamed in twenty years but last night
The snapshot of a fox in a grey multistorey-Car-
park. The fox slept on the soft-top roof of a car
it was daylight colour road signs and bunker grey.
Just days ago I watched a shamanic journey he
spoke of your animal symbol, ticking my boxes
Of shamanistic, Pagen, animal skin drum beat
I went on my url and found a poem, pagen poet.
I don’t do that new-age mystic shit if I don’t
See touch or feel I don’t believe the stroke
Put me in a confusing default mode. The snap-
shot pierced black fabric of life just a shutter
speed flicker of fox.
As close I could almost touch, said hey there
mister aphantastic fox. Nonchalantly he raised
his head to fall as if I wasn't even there was this
the animal symbol of myself caring not to care?
or a sham-manistic being of my broken self.
I flicked my computer of poe-artry memory as
My human hard drive was wiped clean, I was
amazed how often the fox appeared. There is
Hope after all in my hopeless hope, flicker foxy-
Foxy like the back of my hand, a morphoto
genetic flashed up Johnny the Fox alias Jim
(father's name) before my eyes. A Fox looking
at a fox by a fox mantra-shaman. I lived with
Dad when I saw the fox
I don't remember.
