DEAD-END

Along a long a

Fox looking at a fox by

A fox

Is this the beginning of the end, there will never be an end to humanity so this is where I sit to wheelchair stand. Beyond my parents lifetime is as far as I can go beyond that is hear say. Even my fathers lifetime is beyond me as he was one a bastard two a liar a deep secretive being buried now on the black hills above Belfast in a plotless grave, he lived as he died uknown. Anything I say about my father is hear say so lets not dwell on bullshit. They say he left Belfast aged fifteen got the boat to England where he joined the British army said he was seventeen was sent to a training camp where on he met a girl with set up home had two little girls was sent overseas to Korea I think after that was posted in London the woman and the little girls were cast aside, forgotten. He befriend a guy a lot older than he they forged their way through so they could not be found they began to use alias’s one night on theirmotor bikes his friend was killed in an accident.  For weeks he grieved his friend like a father figure they say he had no mum and dad left on a doorstep but I think that was a liars bullshit story he told to reel in girls. As I think what happened to a lying bastard is beyond me and you so let him be dead as he lived plotless. My mother was Margaret Patricia Keogh from Rathmines relative to the curran family in and around coollock. My grandfather died of tuberculosis buried in Glasnevin cemetery in a civil army uniform, they say Keogh was a cousin of kevin barry but that’s just hear say.

Maggie Keogh and her five young children found Ireland growing into a republic was poverty stricken Maggie was a cleaning lady and the uoffical midwife in Rathmines my granfathers death left a void in the family and maggie found it hard to survive the news of England was rumoured to be a new start. Maggie who was very indepenant booked them against the family blessing on a cattle boat as they called them as you had to live like a pig. Maggie had two sons who were going down the wrong path so she decided for the sake of her children to go for it and board the boat never to see her family again. They docked in Coventry and found rented rooms and signs of no blacks no dogs no irish pat maggies daughter found work spraying parts for black taxis is was there my father worked

As a paelbeater sprayer a trade he worked at in the army now a disserter using alias’s mixing with shady conmen dealing in second hand stolen cars used as getaways for gangs. He met my mother and reeled her in as she very nieve but had a very natural way about way an irish humanity.

My father reeled her in with his bullshit doorstep story of a street kid, she was caught hookline and sinker the tight irish family could see through his bullshit but patty was beyond their care and fell into his trap the family were planig to move on to London where the building and construction.

John joseph sean Irvine fox followed his prize hen to London and lose himself again stealing selling cars and generally up to no good her older brothers tried to find out who he really was but got lost in his lies he was somebody else john joseph fox who asked patty Keogh for her hand and  this is where I come in one of six children.   I don’t recall too much osf England a block of flats with a rubbish shute on each floor that stank, I cant fathom how I can remember my childhood from a pram view were these memories planted in my head by my mother but it was as if I could sense her forboding as if i could sense her being to leave her family and journey to my fathers home of Belfast Northern Ireland. Strange how he left London for northern Ireland in 1967 at the beginning of the troubles was he a British army mole or was it coincidence, I heard he had worked for the Kray twins in the east end of London, that would explain why he ran you dont mess with them gangsters

All my life and six children each born in a different English town we were always running from his past and northern Ireland was out of anyones view. The family flew to Ireland ad my father and older brother would meet us with the removals lorry in aunt sarahs in  belfastj. The aeroplane taxied

On the runway and two sick bags later I was kneeling o n the back seat of a taxi watching the antrim countryside disappear as the taxi fell through ligoneil. The rest is said and done, I am writing this as sixty year old disabled man with no long term memory. I hear you say how can I recall this is because before I took a stroke that almost killed me,  I was a creative writing tutor so I wrote this down before my memory loss. Some very strange this have happened to me that I will never explain.

Now with memory loss I find it harder to piece this together truth has a funy way of unravelling this is all beyond me and you this is the evolution of my time frame believe it or not, my life is like a jigsaw puzzle, puzzle. i loved and hated my father i sensed the lying brute within and he knew it he could never look me ithe eye we hardly ever spoke i ran away from home three times util aged sixteen i had taken enough of his regimental drill sargeant home rule. when we were together you could cut the air with a kniffe i told my mum who phoned her sister peggy, i lit a cigarette he told me to put it out blew it in his face beat the ira hardman to the ground and ran away to london. on the bus to the ferry i cried as adreneline was still flowing thorough. i felt sorry for the weak little man at my feet wanted him to stop the bus and take me home but that wouldnt happen i felt like a man wiped the tear away ad watched another chapter disappear just like the little boy in the taxi.