REINCARNATED MEMORY 

Yet why not say what happened

                                             Robert Lowell

 

Living in this shell is a suffering 

fucking- hell. The body without 

sensation, stimulation, no-hard-on 

headron collider, enema big bang.

 

The shit won't hit my fan, no motion, 

memory bowel motion. I know my 

family and friends but have no holo-

gram recollection, no memorial pictures

Of my dead mother or sister, I just 

know that they were, so confusing.

 

Got to get my head out of my ass.

The past and present tense are welded 

as Johnny Rotten said, no future, no future 

for me, everything is a locked-in-sin-drome 

that I cannot escape from,I want to be free  

but find only me.

 

Freedom of choice is dead and gone Devo-

lution, I was once a welder welding, the red-

hot arc of my being is slag, put out

and hammered off. There is a darkness 

inside me, Aphantasia.

Arthur Schopenhauer and Emil Cioran 

I will never be but their philosophy gives 

hope in dis-pair, inner-incarnated memory, 

I haven't a leg to stand on.