PLACEBO EFFECT
I find it very hard these days to focus on positivity
Alina Feld said in her study of melancholy,
“the self knows it’s light only by knowing its darkness”.
My darkness it seems is projected from within.
I live within the state of melancholy, but I hope
this essay shines a little light in the dark.
I am not coming to this essay trying to shove some-
thing down your throat. I have searched and searched
for the answer, but even in my hours of near-death,
I found the same answers as you.
I believe I have been given a second chance
for a reason but I'm not asking you to believe
in something that fundamentally contradicts itself.
I believe what I believe, it’s just that I call mine poartry,
you have another name for this mystery, let’s leave it
at that, a mystery. Mysteries are named so because
they want to be left alone; if we find out what
the mystery is then that's the end. Like poetry,
you get something from it, then leave the rest
alone for another day.
You will receive something else from the same thing
don't bury it and kill the mystery. It’s about
you and how you feel today, everything you receive
depends on your mood, how positive and negative you are.
You have the power to change your life for the better but
it’s up to you. The power of positive thought is an amazing
determination; tell yourself you can do it. At the minute
I'm reading the book “Purpose Driven, What on Earth am I here for?
“I’m looking for the answers like everyone else, but no self-help
book will give me the answers. At the end of the day
they are Rick Warren's (author) words, it’s the name
he places on it, it’s his answer but who are you,
what's your name and most importantly what's your answer?
It’s in you, look at yourself!
When I was in the embrace of death there
were always questions I needed answering.
I remember waking up one night in a cold sweat
from a dream. There was a crowd of doctors around me
administering drugs. I thought I had died and this was
my hell, but I came to realize that heaven and hell are
the same place it’s how we think of them, they both exist
in your mind but it’s up to you how you paint them,
positive or negative.
I remember, many years ago, being kicked to the ground
in Lurgan one night with seven around me and a beer
bottle in my hand. I thought of smashing it over the ring-leaders
head but instead I threw it away, I rolled up into a ball
and took the beating. If I had smashed that bottle over his head
I would be dead, not here now writing this essay.
It’s up to you, your life says what lane it takes. As Robert Frost
said, “Always take the road less travelled by.” Life can be affirming.
It’s up to you and what you bring to it, so paint your picture
with a beautiful sunrise or sunset and you can’t go wrong.
A good friend asked me to write this essay. A searcher like me,
she and her son have, along with others has been instrumental
in my life since the stroke. They are the ‘road less travelled by,'
they are the sunrise and sunset of my life, they are my
positive thoughts. I wouldn't be here without those people,
they were there for me. It's at times like this you realize
who your friends are. Without them I would have become
negative; instead with their power and my own
determination I pulled through.
Alright I'll never be 100% the person I was, but
I'm alive. I have someone to thank for that, even if
it's me, my friends and family. I believe in them
and they believe in me; that's what I call the power
of healing the positive force within me.
The beauty is not to ask people to believe in what
you believe in. Whatever happened to diversity?
Believe in whatever you want to, it’s your right.
If it paints your day so be it, that's your positive force.
This past years has been the worst I have ever encountered.
As well as recovering from a stroke which almost killed me.
The stroke came without warning. I was on the edge of the bed,
then I was on the floor shaking. I didn't know what was happening.
I crawled into my mother's room and asked her what was happening;
she told me I was taking a stroke. She phoned the doctor.
All I can remember is being rushed to Intensive Care.
I had ‘locked in Syndrome.' I knew what to say but
hadn't the power to communicate.
I was flat on my back and could only move my eyes
I was so afraid it was uncanny. I thought everyone was out
to get me, without the power to resist. I really did believe
I would go out in a wooden box.
I remembered an experience from childhood. I was running along
a pier when I slipped on seaweed and fell into the water. I was trying
to get out of there. I feared I would die but when I looked around
it was beautiful in there; the seaweed was dancing
and for a second it was beautiful. An American tourist dived in,
pulled me out and pumped the water from my lungs.
Since that day I have never met him but thank you.
It felt like that during my stroke, I was lost walking
around in a field, then I woke up with friends around me.
I don't let on to know the answers to life, I am just like you,
a searcher of the truth and lying there in that hospital bed
I realized that there is no great light that I'm drawn towards,
just the people who loved me for their own reasons not mine.
Someone once said ‘Never judge your enemy, it clouds
your judgment.'
The power of positive thought is everywhere, it’s what they see
in you. These are the positive thoughts I have produced.
I'm not looking for sympathy or pity you can keep it.
All I ask is that you read this and determine your
own answers, not one that's shoved down your throat,
I hope this is your placebo effect.
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